"I've got a lot of stuff growing in gravel now. Keeps the weeds down, and the Mediterranean plants love it. It actually used to be my helicopter pad, until that time the tail rotor broke as we were landing and the chopper went into a massive spin.
"Went round and round like a frog in a Moulinex but landed right-side up eventually. I was fine. I was sat in the middle, and the whirlies were no worse than what happens after five pints of scrumpy topped up with retsina. But they had to scrape the co-pilot's forehead off the windscreen with a rubber spatula. He was fine, he just looked like a satellite dish until his face popped back out."
